Eat, Drink, Love: Strategies For Socializing Without Food
So, although it was a beautiful, warm day on Saturday in Boston, my bestie was inside with a friend doing an art and craft activity. While I’d love for her to be soaking up the sunshine, she’s actually got the right idea.
Why Is Socializing Without Food So Hard?
How do you connect with people without making it about food? It’s tough—our culture revolves around eating and drinking. Food comforts us, rewards us, and brings us together in celebration. This is one of the most difficult conversations I have with patients.
I hear things like:
“But my mom will be offended if I don’t eat her pasta.”
“My friends always go out to dinner.”
“Everyone at The Villages has cocktail hour!”
It wasn’t until I really acknowledged my own emotional and social dependence on food that I began to make lasting changes. This shift in perspective has been one of the most important factors in maintaining weight loss and improving my health.
A Personal Story
Although it pains me a little to admit it, my husband Scott figured this out long before I did. Our first date was an outdoor concert at Kate Sessions Park in San Diego. He brought a backpack picnic: a loaf of bread, a pound each of roast beef and turkey from the deli, and a few bananas. He didn’t ask what I liked, and honestly, in the moment, it was kind of adorable.
But for years afterward, I didn’t share his outlook. I liked restaurants—being served, not doing the dishes, enjoying a nice atmosphere. Meanwhile, Scott wanted to stop at a supermarket after a hike and grab yogurt, fruit, or a pound of turkey.
I, on the other hand, wanted to end the day with a “treat” or a “reward”—usually a nice dinner out. I’d get cranky when plans didn’t involve that.
What Changed?
When I started my weight loss journey and was newly diagnosed with diabetes, everything shifted. I was focused, taking Saxenda, and had little appetite. My portions were smaller (my personal challenge), and I just wasn’t thinking about food the way I used to.
Suddenly, Scott’s supermarket pit stops seemed perfectly reasonable. Yogurt, turkey, mini cucumbers? Totally fine. Not because I stopped loving restaurants, but because our day had become about something else—hiking, swimming with our kid, outdoor concerts, or strolling through art galleries. And I felt amazing.
Food stopped being the main event. That change didn’t mean we never dined out—but it was no longer the centerpiece of how we spent time together.
Today’s Plan: Hiking, Not Brunch
After my bestie and her friend finish their art projects Saturday, I headed out with two other friends for a hike. We had lots to catch up on—someone even proposed a discussion topic ahead of time! And it didn’t even occur to me to suggest brunch or dinner instead. We just talked and laughed, and moved a little while doing it.
Start Where You Can
I know this doesn’t work for everyone. I’m not saying you have to give up meals out, or that I understand every aspect of your life. But maybe just consider how often food takes center stage. Could you start shifting that balance?
Ask yourself:
Can I choose a few social occasions where food doesn’t need to be the focus?
Can I disconnect the idea of celebration or reward from what’s on my plate?
Can I explore what else brings me joy when I’m with others?
I challenge you to try it—and let me know how it goes. Truly, this shift in mindset has been one of the biggest contributors to my improved health, and I never thought it was possible.
Non-Food Social Ideas
Here are some of our favorite ways to connect without centering it around food:
Street fairs and art shows
Hikes, walks, kayaking, or stand-up paddleboarding
Live performances—plays, concerts, local shows
Outdoor events like Boston PorchFest
Artsy activities like painting, ceramics, or crafting
And, to help you out: I’ve tasked Scott with sharing his favorite free (or nearly free) activities around Boston each week. Keep an eye out for those updates!
